Excerpt

Meet the Schwanghammers!

Gerry: "The 'Schwanghammer' family name goes back eighteen generations. It's Austro-Dutch and means, literally, 'To swing a hammer.' Yeah, I'm a fixer. You can't just disconnect that part of my personality like pulling spark plugs out of a television set."

Grace: "Gerry's a 'fixer,' all right. But he's so caught up with 'Schwanghammer' meaning 'to swing a hammer,' that he forgets how much can be fixed with back rubs and a little honest attention. (bites her lip and smirks) Or, just a good old-fashioned 'putting the blocks' to his wife. Come on! I'm human!"

Andy: "I'm proud being a Schwanghammer. The name is gonna be gold when I'm finally on the stand-up circuit. You can't make up shit like this!"

Abigail: "I think Dad should grow a mustache and take Mom to a swingers' colony for a few weeks. I could use the vacation from their manic dysfunction. Dad doesn't have to worry about me being on The Pill. Watching him and Mom in action is all the birth control—marriage control—a girl needs."